My own relationship with Amma has developed over the years. In the beginning, I was in awe of Amma. She was this big Guru, important in our lives. Someone who seemed magical and could read my mind. All She needed was to look at me and She would know what I was thinking. There was a supernatural aura around Her. But in my own day to day life, I was busy with daily, mundane things. I never prayed regularly except when I was in trouble. Amma wasn't an integral part: She was someone I went to for a coveted hug!
Then I began praying. Regularly. That's when I received some answers. And yet Amma stayed on the magical periphery. She was now a Goddess. Which meant I had to fear Her for I was brought up with the concept of the punishing God. So Amma now occupied the altar which I looked to for help and for retribution. But I couldn't 'find' Amma. She was only there when I got Her darshan. The next morning, She left the city. And my heart.
The next phase had me on a roller coaster in life. Ups and Downs. Trials. Which is when I sat down and began fervent prayers. I also began to discover Amma, thanks to Bindu. For the first time I took Her away from the supernatural and placed Her on the altar as my Mother. I began talking to Her. She listened. She listened very keenly when my daughter was born. She has listened very keenly many times since. I have been on several journeys with Amma. Some days I talk to Her angrily. I question her. I demand to know why She doesn't answer me. Some days I kneel in gratitude and thank Her for everything. My journey continues. Amma remains an enigma but now I know that She is the only true friend I will ever have. She is the only one who cares enough about my problems and She is to whom I need to take my thoughts, my silence. Finally, all that matters is that everything in life is nothing but Amma!
Om Amriteswariye namah!
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