Today I dissected my own faith. It started with a phone call from a dear friend & brother who called to give me good news. I was happy for him. I advised him to take life as it came towards him and welcome it with all his might. "It's Amma's will," I observed sagaciously. And yet my voice crackled as I spoke of the many turns my own life had made. I couldn't seem to welcome anything. All I could see was Amma deserting me. I sat down on the path of futility and dissected my imagined misfortunes and pains. It felt real enough so maybe the use of the word 'imagined' may be a tad harsh on myself. My friend heard me out and was able to observe my pain too. We spoke, each in our own way underlining Amma's influence in our lives. He, positively. Me, negatively. How could a Mother abandon Her child, I demanded to know. Was She ever listening? Had She ever listened at all, I questioned. I cut into the lane of doubt and marched on only to realize that I had left faith far behind. In God. In a higher being. And I was riding solo, on my ego. I can see it now.
It doesn't matter what path my friend takes or when I decide to finally choose happiness over fear. What matters is that we ultimately realise that everything is really Amma's doing. She sees the larger picture while we fumble at corners. No one can ever clear our doubts except the little voice in our own heads which surprisingly will speak like Amma! Or whoever the God we choose to be with. All we need to listen is stay silent. And listen. Because Amma, our God, would never, ever hurt us. She'll make sure we get safely onto the road of realization.
Om Amriteswariye namah!
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